Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My bed smells like the plague
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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