Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
