Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
