i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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