I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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