Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
40s are totally the cure
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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