How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
