does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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