you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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