Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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