it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
