I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You can't motorboat a personality
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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