She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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