I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
