well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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