My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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