is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
