We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
