girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I cut my penus on the lid.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
