I think my vagina is haunted
and she was petting her beer can
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
its liver damage thursday
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
