I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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