Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I need a beard to bite.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
