I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
