Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
