So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The air taste purple.
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