in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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