I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
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So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
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Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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