if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
