I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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