If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
