It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
