Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
