I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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