I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
