Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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