hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
