i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
