Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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