So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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