I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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