I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
