I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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