I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
