Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
