I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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