I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
