ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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