why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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