i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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