There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We need to rekindle our bromance
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i out mim tonsoeep
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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