I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
