I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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