he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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