You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
