Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
