i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
