if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
