I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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