i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We talked him into tasing himself.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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