I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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