Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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