I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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