do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
