Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
