every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
