Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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