I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
