I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
either way he was missing a nipple.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
