i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
