Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
