and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
