Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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