What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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