he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
40s are totally the cure
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
